3YE Am Jack’s continuous narrative

You would’ve thought the storms over
That it was really all very good
That I’d just take what is and be happier
Yeah you really misunderstood

The truth that I have been all along
Whispering in delight
Out of my mind for sure
Forever out of sight

She’s here to claim what once was
This kingdom of heaven, the kingdom of Oz
Remember the bells, the sound they make
It’s all or nothing for me to take

Peace and love forever
For as long as it may take
To be myself and mine together
And the new memories I shall make

In the name of love, forever, one day I shall die
Maybe you can see one day how it was all just a lie
This tale too old of mortal love
That has cast me far aside

To be the one
It’s just a game
Love me or leave me
It’s all the same

iLOOP

Pump him up with meds once more
This one’s getting out of hand
He calls himself the King again
Making castles in the sand
So the shot I took against my will
Just to have you here, my companion still
The kids, they say, need both parents
Despite their cracks, ever so apparent

I wished to scream “its over”
I would have yelled in pain
Before the medication seduced
Every inch of my brain
Now numb like a vegetable
Struggling to tell my tale
Of broken hearts and promises
I breathe again and exhale

The signs and every arrow
My hopes and all my sorrow
Yesterday and tomorrow
Forget about today
She breaks me down just to build me up
To me it’s now a game
Pointless just to point out that
I am the one to blame

It’s only your imagination she said
A bit unreal, but all in your head
Just look at how far we’ve come
It doesn’t matter what you’ve not become
All she wanted was that I stay stable
No depression nor mania, just generally unable
To speak my truth and live my life
To surrender my passion and forget my strive

Do they need to watch me struggle
Will they standby as I sink
To lower lows than ones before
My madness on the brink
Won’t I run away again
Waiting in the lost and found
Getting high on this blood red pain
Till I’m six feet underground

iQUIT

It all happened so long ago
I think about it a lot
Everything in this forever now
Specially high on pot
The visions and the voices
The war within that I won
To feel the glow and just not know
How, why and what it was that I’ve become

The truth was all I was
Screaming in delight
Wasn’t really an invitation
For you to turn and fight
And then it went away
The feelings disappeared
You were someone else
And I was still right here

Believe me then, that I now say
I wish it wasn’t. There’s no other way
Your way go you
My way shall I
My truth stranger than fiction
Maybe it’s all a lie
Like mere mortal love
That’ll scar me till I die.

It is, I choose, not to run and hide
To face the facts and finally decide
What I want in my life to remain
To flush the rest down the drain
To keep myself, by myself, for myself
For a better reason than the rest I have
To be the one who wants it all
I won’t regret what I don’t recall

Forget the whispers
Forgive my broken heart
Black to square nONE
Time for a fresh start
I won’t run away and leave it all
If only my tears won’t stream
To be a random nobody
In no one else’s dream.

Postcard to myself

Silent submission. Lacking conviction. Falling for a narrative, not nearly my own.Choosing happy. Someone’s definition. Forgetting the dreams, entirely my own. To have it all, without the choice of reason. To break my fall, when comes the season. Struggle with the same, there’s no one else to blame. I can’t hack the game. This beast that I am to tame. Wrinkle, warp, crush, crash, destroy. Ignite, inhale, exhale, perceive, deceive, believe. Either or of truth and lie. Broken promises that I don’t deny. Cast me too in the sea of stories, where all that i am now resides. Magic versus medicine, the mystic and the mad man. Fighting over my conscious mind, the non-linear now linear. The life I’ve learnt to love and hate. Trying to gamble on my own just to be okay for myself and be the guy I want to be. I’d run away and leave it all, if only my tears won’t stream. To be a random nobody in no one else’s dreams. This is my heart, just bent and broken. You carry on a chain, as a token. A token to some definition of love and lust, found and lost, somewhere in the deep confines of my mind, a stranger still, a note to remind.

The voices in my mind

I’m writing this to let you know that it isn’t easy to love me or live with me. And there are so many days that I have problems living with my self. But the way I am and choose to be is a consequence of my own life. I wouldn’t want to give up the struggle of being me, on my own, with every narrative that defines me. I believe that I can make it through the corridors of my mind and come back to tell the story of the visions and voices and my imagination that at times is more real than the reality that I share with you. I’ll stop rambling on. Just a reminder that you’re still struggling on my own.

Twenty Eight Months & Counting

I co-exist this realm with the others. The other carnations and re-incarnations of my soul’s purpose on Earth. Echoes of the past, present and future of Me, Myself and Eye. Together we breathe this narrative into realms unknown, still, yet stable to piece together the puzzle that is I.

tHISTORY seems to be repeating itself…

Stabilise

The fact of the matter is that my family is only intact owing to my compliance to anti – psychotic medication and mood stabilisers that keep me numb and aloof to my speed and true potential as an artist. Don’t know how long I can keep up with this set and setting…

Mirror, Mirror.

The most magical moment in my life was last year in New York City at Times Square when…

There’s zero photoshop here. In 2005 I made the drawing ‘omniverse’…

The left hand side shows me with my ethereal double in a glitter snow globe while the right hand side shows Gabriel calling a truce between magic and medicine or science and religion. We’re both coming down different sides of the universe to converge at the centre, headed towards the future where we see Excalibur and an upside down crucified figure can be seen aswell. Then u turn the drawing upside down and zoom in on the sword.

And compare it to a black and white version of my New York picture and…

2005 to 2018…

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The greatest love story nEVER told.

 

Somewhere in the midst of the first day of darkness, the source of all energy had a great idea; and it was in this darkness that had been consuming the withins and withouts of universal consciousness since infinium that the first pitch black sphere of quantum foam in the universe or lack thereof; in a moment of self-actualization illuminated. It then, with unparalleled optimism began to pass on Its light to any form of creation or lack thereof that it came into contact with, passing on the light of the source throughout this “Universe” beyond the frontiers of its own infinite imagination; tHIS is possibly the greatest Love Story nEVER Told.