Pump him up with meds once more This one’s getting out of hand He calls himself the King again Making castles in the sand So the shot I took against my will Just to have you here, my companion still The kids, they say, need both parents Despite their cracks, ever so apparent
I wished to scream “its over” I would have yelled in pain Before the medication seduced Every inch of my brain Now numb like a vegetable Struggling to tell my tale Of broken hearts and promises I breathe again and exhale
The signs and every arrow My hopes and all my sorrow Yesterday and tomorrow Forget about today She breaks me down just to build me up To me it’s now a game Pointless just to point out that I am the one to blame
It’s only your imagination she said A bit unreal, but all in your head Just look at how far we’ve come It doesn’t matter what you’ve not become All she wanted was that I stay stable No depression nor mania, just generally unable To speak my truth and live my life To surrender my passion and forget my strive
Do they need to watch me struggle Will they standby as I sink To lower lows than ones before My madness on the brink Won’t I run away again Waiting in the lost and found Getting high on this blood red pain Till I’m six feet underground
It all happened so long ago I think about it a lot Everything in this forever now Specially high on pot The visions and the voices The war within that I won To feel the glow and just not know How, why and what it was that I’ve become
The truth was all I was Screaming in delight Wasn’t really an invitation For you to turn and fight And then it went away The feelings disappeared You were someone else And I was still right here
Believe me then, that I now say I wish it wasn’t. There’s no other way Your way go you My way shall I My truth stranger than fiction Maybe it’s all a lie Like mere mortal love That’ll scar me till I die.
It is, I choose, not to run and hide To face the facts and finally decide What I want in my life to remain To flush the rest down the drain To keep myself, by myself, for myself For a better reason than the rest I have To be the one who wants it all I won’t regret what I don’t recall
Forget the whispers Forgive my broken heart Black to square nONE Time for a fresh start I won’t run away and leave it all If only my tears won’t stream To be a random nobody In no one else’s dream.
Silent submission. Lacking conviction. Falling for a narrative, not nearly my own.Choosing happy. Someone’s definition. Forgetting the dreams, entirely my own. To have it all, without the choice of reason. To break my fall, when comes the season. Struggle with the same, there’s no one else to blame. I can’t hack the game. This beast that I am to tame. Wrinkle, warp, crush, crash, destroy. Ignite, inhale, exhale, perceive, deceive, believe. Either or of truth and lie. Broken promises that I don’t deny. Cast me too in the sea of stories, where all that i am now resides. Magic versus medicine, the mystic and the mad man. Fighting over my conscious mind, the non-linear now linear. The life I’ve learnt to love and hate. Trying to gamble on my own just to be okay for myself and be the guy I want to be. I’d run away and leave it all, if only my tears won’t stream. To be a random nobody in no one else’s dreams. This is my heart, just bent and broken. You carry on a chain, as a token. A token to some definition of love and lust, found and lost, somewhere in the deep confines of my mind, a stranger still, a note to remind.
I’m writing this to let you know that it isn’t easy to love me or live with me. And there are so many days that I have problems living with my self. But the way I am and choose to be is a consequence of my own life. I wouldn’t want to give up the struggle of being me, on my own, with every narrative that defines me. I believe that I can make it through the corridors of my mind and come back to tell the story of the visions and voices and my imagination that at times is more real than the reality that I share with you. I’ll stop rambling on. Just a reminder that you’re still struggling on my own.
I co-exist this realm with the others. The other carnations and re-incarnations of my soul’s purpose on Earth. Echoes of the past, present and future of Me, Myself and Eye. Together we breathe this narrative into realms unknown, still, yet stable to piece together the puzzle that is I.
The fact of the matter is that my family is only intact owing to my compliance to anti – psychotic medication and mood stabilisers that keep me numb and aloof to my speed and true potential as an artist. Don’t know how long I can keep up with this set and setting…
The most magical moment in my life was last year in New York City at Times Square when…
There’s zero photoshop here. In 2005 I made the drawing ‘omniverse’…
The left hand side shows me with my ethereal double in a glitter snow globe while the right hand side shows Gabriel calling a truce between magic and medicine or science and religion. We’re both coming down different sides of the universe to converge at the centre, headed towards the future where we see Excalibur and an upside down crucified figure can be seen aswell. Then u turn the drawing upside down and zoom in on the sword.
And compare it to a black and white version of my New York picture and…
Somewhere in the midst of the first day of darkness, the source of all energy had a great idea; and it was in this darkness that had been consuming the withins and withouts of universal consciousness since infinium that the first pitch black sphere of quantum foam in the universe or lack thereof; in a moment of self-actualization illuminated. It then, with unparalleled optimism began to pass on Its light to any form of creation or lack thereof that it came into contact with, passing on the light of the source throughout this “Universe” beyond the frontiers of its own infinite imagination; tHIS is possibly the greatest Love Story nEVER Told.