DeviantArt Journal Entries

is this real

Fri Jun 11, 2004, 10:36 PM

am i awake … is this real … is this who i ws born to be … why am i here again … why cant i breathe … where were you … where was this all … does this matter … i dont want to be …

two minutes to three …

Tue Jun 29, 2004, 4:26 PM

sometimes … i sat here … talking to you … you were there … and i wasn’t … and i was here … and you were … there … here … in my mind … now i am here … and you are alone … gone … until we’re here again …

three seconds at the red light

Sun Sep 5, 2004, 10:23 PM

and it turned red … an after image of green, a flash of yellow and the split second differentiated slow convergence of around thirty odd red light bulbs taking over the black globe … stop. break. brake. stop. look around. is this thing working … are people working? are our brains working … ? stop. honking. stop honking. is your brain working?

impulse. reaction. nerve twitching behind my eyeball as it turns to the lower left side of my socket … red. white. they came. they saw. they conquered. i am conquered as are millions of others. we are the vanquished. i held one for the first time at age three … how old are we? we are how old?!?! spark. flint. factory. wrong direction. flint. spark. inhale. exhale. Grey nicotine.

A blur of light, sound, speed and thought.

Sat Sep 11, 2004, 3:38 AM

September 11, 2004 … is this what growing pains were all about … why didn’t they focus on the half full version of the story as much as the half empty one … was it them or was it just me … its intense … this feeling of growing up so fast … and here I am … the man you wanted to forget about …

And I know the difference between myself and my reflection as Evanesense said … so which of us do you love? I can feel the wings on my back again … They pass their energy through my veins … down my spine … and to my finger tips … Is this the man you wanted to forget about …

And walking the endless sands of my mind, he came upon the voice he had longed to hear for the past so many years … “Why are you smiling now?” “Because I had stopped looking for you.” “Well, here I am.” Am I the man you long for when no one is watching your thoughts on the silver screen?

And to all those moments we had that time has kept safely locked away in her womb; to the stars we saw that night, to the tears you shed for me, to the times I bled for us, to the way you smiled every time, to the way you listened silently, to the times you understood, to the warmth of your touch, to the sound of your heart beating, to the way you screamed at me, to the funny way you describe what was it that I actually did, to your silent understanding that I was becoming, to your helplessness, to the tears that I brought back again, to all the fucked up things you said, to being the man that I have become;

To the man that I have learned to love and hate.

All is full of love

Sat Oct 9, 2004, 5:55 AM

Life, in its infinite glory, has propelled me higher than the highest point in life I’ve ever been … and then grabbed my ankles with its black hands and smashed me back on to the earth … incessantly …
set my heart, mind, body and soul on fire … and everything is still, calm and quiet now …

This, along with Bjorks song “All is full of love” and its video put together, inspired the series “All is full of love” which is a reflection of myself and the highs and lows that I go through sometimes … just like we all do …

All that we had is dead … for I am dead …

Fri Oct 15, 2004, 11:57 PM

today …

Tue Oct 19, 2004, 2:34 AM

i saw the sun today for five minutes … before it vanished into the eternal void of the night … i saw you for three eyeblinks when you watched me sleep for an hour and a half … i saw a man that was struggling hard to battle his lonliness and be a part of society … i saw someone who was there smiling at everyone … i saw a someone smile at me, carrying a knife behind his back … i saw myself destroy something beautiful and then desperately trying to pick up the pieces … i saw you again today … i saw the most beautiful woman and told her i loved her … i saw the most beautiful eyes … i saw myself smiling … i noticed another night going by … i saw myself today …

02:21

Thu Mar 17, 2005, 2:23 AM

i dont know if you will ever read this … i know it all … and nothing at all … but its true … and so are you … and i need you … please listen to me … rescue my soul … let me rest in peace …

g.r.i.p.

Thu Mar 17, 2005, 12:46 PM

still struggling to get out of my head … and into this place called … life … i just wish i didnt feel like i was missing something all the time … i just want to stop talking to the voices in my head … i want to be real … sweet and pure and true …

yahan peshab karna mana hai

Fri May 13, 2005, 12:24 PM

…

happy vs. ending

Thu Jul 21, 2005, 3:35 AM

“Im just a man…” cried he…
“Im inferior”… exclaimed she …
i dont know why the world keeps believing in happy endings … when the words themselves, in their truest forms conflict with one another …

rebirth

Tue Jul 26, 2005, 2:41 AM

all too frequently now i find myself inside the dark cave. deep inside the dark forest of an enchanted wood called life. there is no one else here but me in the darkness. it is safe in the dark. darkness gives me hope. and one day i lit a fire in the darkness. discovered that the people ive been talking to in the dark all this while. they all had one face. who the fuck am i?

a blur of sight, sound, speed and thought … the magic potion is almost ready … drink from me and live forever … said life unto me…

so i lived happily ever after … in a sad little world of my own creation …

trapped somewhere in the insides of my mind forever …

waiting for you … just you … if you think youre ‘the one’ … come and find me in the dark …

I am nONE

Thu Oct 20, 2005, 7:52 PM

what do you live for? To be burdened everyday in this paradigm of a mindfuck called life? To be working in a fucking job where you’re unhappy … just cause it pays the fucking bills … what about all your dreams … what about the rainbow?

I am here now … And I Love You …

Thu Dec 22, 2005, 8:09 AM

Wow … what a crazy motherfuckin life … i fuckin love the madness and the coincidences and the absolut rush of sitting alone in my bedroom and just staring out of my window/door at my tree … on d.a. after a very crazy pixel shift in reality. i know that im not submitting regularly but doing an artist book and compiling work in a traditional sketchbook thats gonna be shared with the tenth dimension at a later star date. fuckin hell. im the happiest psycho i know … recently got admitted into agha khan hospitals psychiatric ward for ei8ht days and finally got discharged and back home now. have come to terms with so much in life. hate hospitals. think psychiatrists are fucked up. so much of outpour thats best reserved for my art … hehh … i love you all … im here in peace… and despite one of the craziest years of my twenty six year long journey; im still standing and smiling and saying in all honesty that i love everyone and everything … may God speed, God bless and God love all of humanity the way the triangle works for me.

ei8ht months & counting…

Mon Mar 17, 2008, 10:28 AM

ei8ht months ago, today was the happiest day of my lifetime … I got married to one of the most beautiful women in my life… she makes me a complete man… here’s to a lifetime of us janu… I heart u infinity …!

Happy Fifteenth!

Tue May 20, 2008, 10:19 AM

On February 20th 2007, you took me for a sushi dinner and proposed to me over raw fish … i immediately said ‘yes’ … and the rest is history … today its been fifteen months and i would just like to say thank you for ‘bringing sunflowers into my life, for hugging me while i sleep, for making me coffee every morning, for giving me the best hickies on earth, for sharing your life with me, for always being there for me, for hanging my clothes in the cupboard, for watching my weight for me, for sharing my dreams, for loving me like only you could … ‘

i heart you infinity to the power cube …

I can see the signs again …

Fri Jun 13, 2008, 11:03 AM

circle. triangle. square. cross. one. none. illumination. subliminal advertising on billboards, pressads, radio, submerged in static. waiting to surrender to the Supreme. will world media crash as planned? Or are we going to witness a blur of light, sound, speed an thought? Only time shall unveil the Truth …

waiting for someONE …

Tue Jun 17, 2008, 11:33 AM

will the prophecy come true in this lifetime… or the next?